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Pursuit with Purpose

I’ve started listening to my old podcasts again, it’s been over 2 years since I’ve stopped listening to some of  my inspirational, educational and motivator pod-castors.

I started watching youtube videos about motivational speakers such as Elon Musk. Then started watching ways to set goals. I’m at a point in my life that I need to redefine what I want in my life. I will be in my 30’s in less than 4 years. I want to make sure I get a head start before reaching that age and feel even more unstable mentally. 

Many of my friends and much less my family, perhaps have not realized that I struggle with depression and anxiety. Over the years, I’ve controlled it the best I could.  I have times that I fall in deep sadness, unmotivated and not caring about my physical appearance.   In both stages of  depressed and euthymic mood I am always worry about not meeting my goals. I go down a list of everything that could go wrong and will make a list of  things to do before I start slipping.  I really didn’t notice how much I was holding until March of this year 2017. I was driving in the highway at 80mph and wanted to die – after failing an important exam- I came to my apartment and cried for what felt like hours. I knew at that point I couldn’t give up.  I got some help from a mentor who helped me get back up and I started practicing  mindfulness therapy because I knew it was  the only option I had  at time that could help myself. I gradually started seeing a difference in me. I noticed when I listen to motivational speakers they speak about some sort of mindfulness  in which is essential to controlling your  emotions. By just ‘”asking your self what is you body feeling right now,” really opens insight to your inner body speaking to you.  I should save this for another blog post. 

Point is I stumbled upon a youtuber who recommended  Melyssa Griffin  I finished listening to her podcasts. And here is one that she recommends in her first episode to do.  She encourages us to write. I stopped writing within the past two years. I burned 7 notebooks from middle school to college. I was done reliving the past. I am here now, looking ahead to start a new journey in my 30’s.  

 

I hope I inspire you to do the same. To whoever is reading this, I am honest with my responses and encourage you reflect on your life and ask yourself what is your purpose in life. If you struggle answering this — start making changes. Start doing your own research of what you want in life. Begin by writing what you enjoy the most.

 

#PURSUIT WITH PURPOSE:

Task: imagine you are 90 years old, on your death bed. You reflect the following 4 questions.

  1. What would you look back in your life and know it was super fun for you.

 

As of right now, my mind is blank. I don’t ask for much in life. I would want to know that I helped other young adult women like me, first generation, minorities, and that they will return the service to their younger generation.  This did not answer the question. Give me a moment to think.

I have traveled to a few places already and living there was fun. Perhaps knowing that I took risks, such as doing something new, learning something new. I am having a hard time defining what super fun looks like for me.  Doing family trips? I really don’t know how to answer this question.

  1. How would people describe you, who where you in your life?
    1. Loyal
    2. Committed
    3. Persistent
    4. Risk taker
    5. Hard worker
    6. Giving service – helping the community that I lived in
    7. Being kind but also not letting others step over boundaries
    8. Fighter
    9. Creative / artistic
    10. As a person that helped others with nothing in return.

 

  1. Why were you born? Why do you feel you were born? (this highlights getting rid of insecurities )

Truthfully, this question bothers me. I was born in selfishness of my mother who wanted a girl. My father wanted boys, and he had 3 of them, so he was happy.  I tease my parents that they should have protected themselves.  The question also bothers me because if it wasn’t for the personal trauma that I lived in my childhood — I don’t know if I would have entered  into social work field.   It’s a blessing and a curse.  I have physical insecurities more than mental.  But let’s get back to the question. Perhaps, I was born to protect others? That’s how I feel, wanting to prevent others from hurting another human being. I dislike disloyalty and manipulation. I was born to care for others when they are perhaps feeling down? Once again that’s how I feel. My calling is to be a social worker serve for others, sacrifice myself for others. Okay, maybe that was dramatic. But that’s how I feel.

 

  1. In your current life, what is aligned to your purpose / vales and what isn’t. What needs to change?

What’s aliened to my purpose: being a social worker, having my own place, my own bookshelf (I have always wanted one), being creative in any way, being with someone that also believes in social change of some sort,

What’s not aliened to my purpose: doing endless documentation at work and being a workaholic–  sacrificing my social time over work,  being in a long distance relationship for more than two years, and managing my parent’s financial assets since I was 18 years old * (this can also be saved for another blog post)